This is a blog post. In this blog post I am going to complain bitterly about my procrastination abilities.
That’s funny, because writing this blog post is a form of procrastination.
You see, I have spent the better part of the last few months chewing my nails, pulling out my hair, and generally stressing something fierce over the novel series I wish to write. I finally decided to give it some space.
Does that mean I won’t ever write it? Hell no. It’s my baby. But it needs some room to grow without me constantly hovering around it fretting that it isn’t good enough and no one will ever like it. That’s stressful. And it’s not very productive.
That brings me to my next endeavor (and again I remind you that I am still working on the first, just not actively). I have wanted to, for a very long time, publish paranormal romance novels on Amazon.
I just never did it because, you know, self doubt and stuff. What if I publish something and everyone hates it? What if people throw eggs at my work? What if every publisher in the world sees my awful failed abortion of a romance novel, points at it and laughs HAHAHA LOSER we will never publish anything you write now!
Yeah, what if. I decided I don’t care anymore. I want to write and I want to share it with the world. Are you listening, world? I’m going to write, whether my obnoxious brain pelts me with self-doubt or not.
I wanted to share my inspiration for this turnaround, because it seems fair that I should do so. Her name is Amanda Hocking, and you can check out her stuff by clicking that link. I randomly Googled “how to self publish on Amazon” and was rewarded by an article by The Guardian detailing Ms. Hocking’s extraordinary ascent to the bestseller list.
She made a lot of money, got a lot of press attention, scored thousands of fans, and eventually landed her own publishing deal, all through the power of perseverance and Amazon self-publishing. But that’s not what really caught my attention. You see, Ms. Hocking sounds a lot like me.
Like her, I also read voraciously as a child. I read everything I could get my hands on and I spent so much time in my elementary school library that the librarian knew me by name and would loan books to me on the side. I remember her even gifting me a book or two. I was obsessed with books. I was reading well ahead of my grade level and enjoyed adult novels far earlier than I probably should have been exposed to them.
Like her, I battled depression in my youth. I don’t know where it came from, either. It was just there, dragging me down. Most of the time I was okay. But there were times when I was indescribably sad and weighted down and miserable and I always buried myself in books when that happened. This lead very naturally into writing, and writing became a creative outlet for me. I could gather up all my childhood angst and weave it into a story (a lot of my early stuff was really super bloody and depressing) and then I felt better.
I never stopped writing. I wrote endless short stories, many of which remained unfinished. I wrote fan fiction, so much fan fiction. I wrote “novels” (which is my way of saying that I wrote the first chapter or two of a novel and then abandoned it for something else). I wrote poetry. A lot of poetry. And I engaged in massive amounts of text-based roleplay.
Over the years my writing outlets changed from writing stories for my own amusement to writing college essays and papers, but I never really let go of that part of me that loved the challenge of fiction. Someday, I promised myself, I’ll publish a book.
I want it to be someday soon. If Amanda Hocking can do it, I can too.