It’s been a while. Where did The Girl go? Did she fall off the face of the earth? Was she eaten by a mechanical laser-welding shark? No, although I think that would be a suitable way to kick the bucket. Imagine what my epitaph would say!
The real reason I have been so silent is that I have nothing of value to say (a pattern more people could benefit from following). Some months ago, you will remember that I started on a long and arduous and somewhat emotional journey to lose weight. I started eating better, and motivated myself to go to the gym every day. Lo and behold, it worked! I lost 10 pounds! And then I gave up.
It’s simple and shameful all at once. I got discouraged, because that 10 pound weight loss occurred over the course of seven months. In a time period in which many people might have lost 20 or 30 pounds, I struggled up and down within the range of 10. Every time I lost a pound, I gained it back, and worked to lose it again. I couldn’t pinpoint from week to week what the cause of these fluctuations were, and the result was misery. So I gave up. I stopped working out, I sat on my butt all day, and I didn’t pay attention to what I was eating.
Fast forward to now, about three months later. I was sitting at the dining table at my parents’ house, eating something (surprise, surprise). My mother had just told me that she and my sister, both overweight like me, had started Weight Watchers and mom had lost 5 pounds already. It brought to light my shame, all that repressed guilt I felt for giving up something I wanted so badly.
I have never been thin. I have been bullied, looked down upon, discriminated against, and teased all my life because I was not as thin as my peers thought I should be. I am unusually tall for a female, overweight, with curly red hair. It is a recipe for disaster in today’s shallow, cruel society. Children are awful little monsters to anyone they think sticks out, and boy did I stick out. I have always wanted to fit in, but as I grew up and matured that changed more to a desire to feel good about myself. Is it wrong to allow society to dictate how I feel about myself? Yes. Am I capable of ignoring it? No.
So I bit the bullet. I admitted to myself, and to my family, that I had given up. A few days later, on that next Monday, I signed up for Weight Watchers Online. A week later I had lost 2 pounds. When I weighed myself, I was astounded. I hadn’t regained any of the weight I originally lost months ago. It was the push I needed to realize I could do this, and I tell myself that every day. It took me years to wreck my body this badly; it will take time to undo it, too.
So that is where I am, friends. Many other exciting things have occurred over the past few months as well. Some things are better than others. I interviewed for a job yesterday that I think I have a reasonable chance of getting. And as a result of a combination of circumstances, I have begun to work on drafting, writing and publishing my own novel. It’s something I have wanted to do since childhood, and I decided that now is as good a time as any. More on that later, though.
I hope that none of you reading this are in the same boat as I am, but if you are, keep your head above water. We can do this. I hope your November is as beautiful and sunny as mine has been (some of you are knee deep in snow already, lucky bums). Take advantage of the weather before it gets too cold!