What’s this? Two diary entries in a row? I must be off my rocker, y’all.
Last night’s dream was pretty short, but interesting (to me) on a deeper level. I dreamed that I had to go back and repeat the second grade. At 23 years old.
Somehow in this dream I had managed to graduate both high school and college without actually finishing my elementary school education, so I was opting to go back to my old elementary school and repeat those grades that I missed, starting in the second grade. I was bound and determined that this time I would do it right and I would show everyone how awesome and smart I was. I’d show those stupid kids!
But I managed to get into a class with my least favorite teacher (a sort of amalgamation of all the female teachers I had when I was in elementary school) and she was being horrid to me. Even though I was on my best behavior she was still in my face and being really rude, and she finally gave me detention for bad behavior when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Given that I was an adult, I decided I didn’t have to put up with that kind of abuse the way kids do. So I went to the office and asked to have a meeting with the principal to let him know what was going on and ask for his help. As I was sitting there waiting to speak to the guy, I noticed he was in his office with a young boy. I overheard some of their conversation and basically the principle was saying that no one would give him a chance because he used to be a molester (no clarification as to what kind) but he was glad he got this job because he was doing so well as a principle of this school. Just as I was about to have my turn to talk to him, my dream ended.
I think what made this dream interesting to me was that it accurately reflected my elementary school years. All the helplessness, the bullying, the frustration, and the feeling that the teachers were less the solution and more part of the problem. Elementary school and school in general were hard for me and I never felt like I belonged (hence being 23 years old in second grade) and I suffered greatly until I finally graduated and was able to get away from all that.
This isn’t the first dream I’ve had where school was portrayed in a negative light. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that school was, for me, a negative place to be. Even now, I can’t look back on school and find many positives that I might have overlooked as a kid. Even as an adult, I see a lot of problems with the way school was handled not just for me but for many kids. Let’s face it, cramming several thousand kids of the same age group into one small area leads to more drama, chaos, and upset than it does learning. So it really doesn’t surprise me that kids like me, who did not represent the “popular” group, got trampled down to the point that we (and I) couldn’t take it anymore.
But it bugs me that I’m still having dreams like this even now, years later. I’m over it by now. I had an amazing time in college which more than made up for the years I spent unhappy and suffering in grade school. And my professors in college proved to be valuable friends to make, as opposed to whatever teachers in grade school ended up being. Roadblocks, usually.
Well, anyway. I think it’s interesting to try and interpret the underlying meaning of dreams, if only because I like to pick apart my own experiences.