I need to preface this diary entry with two things:
First, I apologize for the lack of these entries over the past month or so. The reason is really twofold. I’m kind of lazy and have had other things going on and such that required my attention. Second, not all of my dreams are something I want to share with the world. Sometimes I have dreams that are very personal, or kind of raunchy, or contain things that I just don’t feel like discussing or clarifying or, really, defending. No one can control what they dream, but people still sometimes find the need to judge you over the content of your dreams. But, when I dream something suitably interesting, it goes here!
Second, this following dream needs some set up for you to actually understand since you aren’t me. I have been applying for a lot of jobs recently through the county system. Once your application is accepted you have to take an exam with everyone else who applied so that the county can weed through all the hundreds of applicants. The first time I had to take this exam, I was so stressed out I couldn’t sleep the night before and when I finally slept I had weird dreams about what the exam could be, since there was no information provided on it except “show up here and don’t be late.”
But, after doing this examination process a few times, I wasn’t worried anymore. So it was kind of a silly thing last night when I had stressed out dreams about an exam I wasn’t actually stressed about.
In my dream, I was going in for this same exam. Except this exam, instead of being for the library aide position I applied for in real life, was for a cook’s position.
I was in a panic because I thought I was going to be late. Only about a half hour before the exam (which was for some odd reason scheduled in late afternoon instead of early morning) I found out from a friend that you had to bring all of your own ingredients to this exam. Crap! I didn’t have anything, and I hadn’t even considered a menu, and I didn’t know what to make and I had no recipes lined up…so I raced off in a panic to figure all this out before the exam started.
I ended up at a store which I think I called Trader Joe’s (a sort of specialty foods store here on the west coast; I have no idea if it extends further than California) but it was really something else entirely. It was the type of grocery store that had absolutely nothing normal in it. I think I remember pumpkin bread in the sandwich bread isle.
And then I had to get to my exam. I had ended up out in the country (on a road I am actually quite familiar with in real life; funny when those old places pop up!) and somehow I was driving my family’s huge Ford F350 diesel pickup truck. My sister was with me too. Except the truck was acting weird and speeding up and slowing down all on its own and kept sliding off the road. And my sister kept telling me we should stop but I was yelling about my exam.
Then, somehow, I ditched the truck and was riding a horse. His name was Alejo, and my family sold him to a friend a few months ago. I don’t know why I was dreaming about him. I never liked riding him that much. And once again he was making it very difficult for me to get to my exam and I was fretting about the time. He ran us into a tree. I was very upset.
That’s the end of it. I woke up before the dream finished, got dressed, and went to the exam perfectly on time with no incident whatsoever. And it was a very easy exam that I finished quickly. So why do I have dreams like this over things that don’t stress me out?
I did this all the time in school. I would dream that I was late on the first day, or missed class entirely, or was late the day of an exam. And yet, I think in all of my time in school, I was only ever truly late to class once. Admittedly, I did miss my entire first class ever in junior college because I slept through my alarm. So I think that paranoia has sort of subconsciously carried over all these years and I’m afraid that it will happen again, even though I take precautions for important things to be sure it never does.
I think I am doomed to have these silly stress dreams probably forever. Even though I can be cool about things when I’m awake, when I sleep my brain’s subconscious gets a little whacked out. Aren’t brains the best?