There’s been a lot going through my head lately. I feel pressured to find a job but utterly uncertain what sort of job I want to pursue. I feel like I’m wasting my life being indecisive and I feel like I’m starting to fall behind. I wonder sometimes if I chose the wrong major, because while I am in love with psychology I’m not passionate about becoming a psychologist. There are not a lot of appealing options in the job market today with a bachelors in psych and while I know I want to eventually chase down a graduate degree, figuring out which field to study is proving…challenging. Perhaps that is the curse of a brilliant (and humble) mind: never being able to settle your passions on one thing.

A lot of people I went to high school with are married with children already. We’ve been graduated 5 years. Of those people with spouses and children, roughly 90% of them are uneducated and either unemployed or working minimum wage, unskilled labor. I don’t want to be like them. Ever. But it’s hard to watch everyone “grow up” so to speak and still be just a college kid. Even so, I know the ultimate payoff will be when I finally earn my advanced degree and start making real money. It’s just this long wait while I figure out which direction to take my life that’s starting to wear me down.

I have options. It’s just weighing them appropriately that takes some time and some effort. I don’t like feeling indecisive. I kicked ass in college and everyone sort of expected that forward momentum to continue and it didn’t. I feel like I’ve let people down and I have to remind myself sometimes that I am doing this for me and no one else. I shouldn’t care what other people, even my family, think.

I won’t settle for anything less than what I want out of life, and I have a very clear image of what I want. What I lack is a clear path to get there. What degree do I pursue? What college to I attend? I wish I had the answers now, because I will be 24 this year and I have very little to show for it.

There are some things I’m considering now that I haven’t in the past. They are not things I will consider lightly. They’re life-changing. They’re very different from the goals I have expressed the past few years, but they’re not altogether that derailing. Does the path you take matter if it takes you to the same place? It’s like coming to a fork in the road and spending a year agonizing over which path to take, and then realizing they both meet at the same end anyway.

I wish I had a Sorting Hat.


About Sylvestris

Gamer, nerd, book worm, baker.
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